By all means do not be
mistaken in thinking that I don't feel loved, or wish to be enraptured
in the euphoria of mutual romance and longing.
I am too narcissistic for all of that tomfoolery... but still. I can't help looking for my soul's counterpart in another. Is it too much to ask for a quality christian woman whom I can invest myself in? I long to pour my life into making someone special happy. I would hate to find that at the moment I choose to cease caring about it god "sends" her my way.
I had a long conversation with my sister about this this morning at church. completely out of my way but just the prospect of meeting a good christian woman who MIGHT be able to hold a decent conversation was all it took. anyways back to my talk with my sis... I firmly believe that god cares more about keeping free will intact than "sending" the right person at the right time...she had an opposing opinion and we continued to discuss it until I had to stop. Not because I feel that her points were valid but because I know that jeopardizing my relationship with her isn't worth my point of view... odd tangent, forgive me.
I view my life as an architect would blueprints... my will to power is a guiding force on how I foresee what may be. Does god have a say in this? Of course... But that doesn't mean that free will is negated... I have a strong desire to become successful. I also want to be able to glorify god in every opportunity on that road to success. Will god "send" me the means to that success? Who knows, but I may be waiting around on something that may never come...
I feel much the same way about my desire to find a love. there is much similarity between the nature of a christian relationship and the relationship between god the body of Christ. To understand (on a very small scale) what it is to offer an endless supply of love understanding and compassion to her. To replace all possible negative emotion with forgiveness... Am I up to the challenge? Most likely not. I am human and as fallible as the next man but is it my crime to desire this? To better and more fully complete my understanding of what god does for me everyday... This is true happiness, this idea of mine... romance isn't a path towards self fulfillment, it is a treasure map into furthering my relationship with the almighty
Dear father, I assume you read me. feel free to accept this as prayer. in JESUS name AMEN.
I find it hard to judge myself. It is very natural for anyone to assume moral perfection... so While I understand the motives for why I wrote this... it becomes complicated as to which motive takes precedence.
Was I praying to god? Was I exclaiming my virtues? Was I just documenting my loneliness... I could not say. Different parts of what makes me who I am all claim 100% ownership of the motivation to write this.
As always: for post-levity
I am too narcissistic for all of that tomfoolery... but still. I can't help looking for my soul's counterpart in another. Is it too much to ask for a quality christian woman whom I can invest myself in? I long to pour my life into making someone special happy. I would hate to find that at the moment I choose to cease caring about it god "sends" her my way.
I had a long conversation with my sister about this this morning at church. completely out of my way but just the prospect of meeting a good christian woman who MIGHT be able to hold a decent conversation was all it took. anyways back to my talk with my sis... I firmly believe that god cares more about keeping free will intact than "sending" the right person at the right time...she had an opposing opinion and we continued to discuss it until I had to stop. Not because I feel that her points were valid but because I know that jeopardizing my relationship with her isn't worth my point of view... odd tangent, forgive me.
I view my life as an architect would blueprints... my will to power is a guiding force on how I foresee what may be. Does god have a say in this? Of course... But that doesn't mean that free will is negated... I have a strong desire to become successful. I also want to be able to glorify god in every opportunity on that road to success. Will god "send" me the means to that success? Who knows, but I may be waiting around on something that may never come...
I feel much the same way about my desire to find a love. there is much similarity between the nature of a christian relationship and the relationship between god the body of Christ. To understand (on a very small scale) what it is to offer an endless supply of love understanding and compassion to her. To replace all possible negative emotion with forgiveness... Am I up to the challenge? Most likely not. I am human and as fallible as the next man but is it my crime to desire this? To better and more fully complete my understanding of what god does for me everyday... This is true happiness, this idea of mine... romance isn't a path towards self fulfillment, it is a treasure map into furthering my relationship with the almighty
Dear father, I assume you read me. feel free to accept this as prayer. in JESUS name AMEN.
I find it hard to judge myself. It is very natural for anyone to assume moral perfection... so While I understand the motives for why I wrote this... it becomes complicated as to which motive takes precedence.
Was I praying to god? Was I exclaiming my virtues? Was I just documenting my loneliness... I could not say. Different parts of what makes me who I am all claim 100% ownership of the motivation to write this.
As always: for post-levity
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