Evolution of a new paradigm

What is it to undertake evaluating your consciousness and soul with the included premise of relating the perceptual truths to another?

How accurate is it possible to be when dealing with such a problematic viewpoint...? I can describe to you what it is to be. I can even postulate on the nature of existence. I find that describing the current nature of who I am within the contexts of a finite reality challenging. Perhaps my troubles are linked to the multidimensional nature of myself and reality... there is no fixed certainty within myself, not only in my public nature but my private nature as well. The world is my stage and each new person I meet informs me of the criteria they wish me to posses (non verbally and almost always with the added assistance of emotional interpretation) being myself just isn't an option most of the time.

Without a conscious check and balance system my emotions and neural idiosyncrasies would run rampant to the point of complete isolation. This was a realization of adolescence, and it has been quite some time since I realized that i did not meet the definition of normal (in any realm of description besides perhaps physically). and this painstaking display of  "comfortably human" is only out of courtesy to others. As humans our perception, existence and reality are all linked to the emotional hardships and joys of our past. These are the tinted frames of what we assume is real. Under these conditions how many can believe themselves disillusioned and be correct...?

I have ceased to live emotionally in lieu of keeping face... it is a change that allows me to think under no certain terms of a constant emotional reality.

 The real time lay mans definition of my words: "There is no complete truth when you view the world through emotional labels". At the same time it can be said that every emotional truth is correct since everyone puts faith in their emotional reality. So as I lie to almost everyone I meet(about my nature) it isn't under the guise of deception, far from it. I do this out of the task of never conflicting with the perceptual reality of that person.

THESE are my emotional truths... THESE are the hardships and joys that define who I am.


Take what you want from this. I am not nearly so troubled anymore. Once again this is just work that needed a home. I post this to gain some sense of peace. Hopefully, if you find yourself understanding the nature of the person who wrote this... maybe you can find some direction from this.